The Gaming Den

I still noticed that he's kept quiet about the fact that none of the tv spots show the hobbit that he wants.

Eh? I saw one where it showed Bilbo with sting, said something about "see the story/quest/hooplah that started it all," showed some dwarves, showed gandalf, then showed Gollum at the end. It was advertising the movie as an adventure movie/prequel, and The Hobbit is certainly an adventure book.

The Hobbit isn't a comedy book either, but since Jackson added humor into LoTR (everything about Gimli), the trailer struck me as "Look, It's the prequel to LoTR!" rather than "action movie." You can have action and humor in the same film. Jackson took out the good humor in The Hobbit and added in slapstick, like the bunny sled and several extra "Bombur is fat, lol" jokes (there are a few bombur is fat jokes in the book, but they're spread out and mostly character reactions).

Most trailers will have a heavier focus on action because that's what people like in trailers. Look at Jarhead. The trailer didn't mention the trilogy, and it did nothing to show the humor was excised.



Anyways, Kaelik, I could have sworn Gandalf basically said "we're going to Rivendell because only one person knows how to read the map and that's Elrond, we need his help." I guess I might be overwriting the movie with the book, but even if the chase scene forces them to Rivendell it goes on for a long time, much longer than it needs to be. Much of the focus was on a bunny sled ridden by a wizard covered in bird shit. What a dramatic, tense sequence.

Watcher in the water is short (and no, they decided to leave Moria, but the watcher forced them back in) and to the point.

The movie felt like I was watching the extended edition with all its fluff and pointlessness. Nothing was at stake, and it moved at a glacial pace. You could cut some decently long sections (including many of the camping scenes) out without adding anything in and the movie would be better for it, and that's horrible. I remember at one point, right before the goblins attack in the cave, Bilbo talks/thinks about wanting to leave and then doesn't, and the whole scene just struck me as a waste.

The movie is full of scenes that don't do anything, and even the scenes that are supposed to do something drag it out. The only part where I felt any tension was riddles in the dark, and that's because two interesting characters were there being interesting and ready to kill each other.

Edit: I have not seen Ong Bak <number>. Unfortunately the only Jaa I've seen is The Protector. He just struck me as a man who gave no fucks.

Pseudo Stupidity wrote:I could have sworn Gandalf basically said "we're going to Rivendell because only one person knows how to read the map and that's Elrond, we need his help."

He did, and then Thorin replied, "Fuck you, I'm in charge of this expedition, and I said fucking no elves."

Pseudo Stupidity wrote:Watcher in the water is short (and no, they decided to leave Moria, but the watcher forced them back in) and to the point.

No you dumb shit, wrong again, that is not true in either the books or the movie. Watch it again, the watcher attacks pretty much just as they get the door open.

Kaelik wrote:

Pseudo Stupidity wrote:Watcher in the water is short (and no, they decided to leave Moria, but the watcher forced them back in) and to the point.

No you dumb shit, wrong again, that is not true in either the books or the movie. Watch it again, the watcher attacks pretty much just as they get the door open.

What he refers to is this...

<The Fellowship draw swords and back away, towards the Entrance.>

BOROMIR: We make for the Gap of Rohan. We should never have come here.

Certainly Boromir decides that they should leave, and while usually nobody ever agrees with Boromir the party is drawing back outside as a reaction to their findings, but they don't really have time to formulate an actual decision or plan to 'Not go through Moria as originally agreed' before they are set upon by the Watcher.

I think it's debatable whether they would have continued into Moria in the movie, if not for the Watcher making it the only option.

erik wrote: What he refers to is this...

<The Fellowship draw swords and back away, towards the Entrance.>

BOROMIR: We make for the Gap of Rohan. We should never have come here.

Certainly Boromir decides that they should leave, and while usually nobody ever agrees with Boromir the party is drawing back outside as a reaction to their findings, but they don't really have time to formulate an actual decision or plan to 'Not go through Moria as originally agreed' before they are set upon by the Watcher.

I think it's debatable whether they would have continued into Moria in the movie, if not for the Watcher making it the only option.

I'll agree with the person who's actually quoting the movie here. It's debatable whether they were leaving (of all the people to say that line, it just had to be the one nobody likes or listens to), the Watcher just made it their only option.

I must have missed Thorin being a stubborn cock during the movie (what they fuck would their plan have been if nobody read the runes? Thorin's a terrible leader); that would give the warg chase scene a purpose. Still a scene that goes far too long and prominently features a bunny sled, but a scene with a purpose nonetheless.

Edit: I do find it weird that Kaelik lashes out about shit he doesn't even know. I used to assume he was confident and generally right, but now it seems he insults more often when he's not actually sure about things. It's almost as if the rudeness is to assure himself that he is correct.

Pseudo Stupidity wrote:

erik wrote: What he refers to is this...

<The Fellowship draw swords and back away, towards the Entrance.>

BOROMIR: We make for the Gap of Rohan. We should never have come here.

Certainly Boromir decides that they should leave, and while usually nobody ever agrees with Boromir the party is drawing back outside as a reaction to their findings, but they don't really have time to formulate an actual decision or plan to 'Not go through Moria as originally agreed' before they are set upon by the Watcher.

I think it's debatable whether they would have continued into Moria in the movie, if not for the Watcher making it the only option.

I'll agree with the person who's actually quoting the movie here. It's debatable whether they were leaving (of all the people to say that line, it just had to be the one nobody likes or listens to), the Watcher just made it their only option.

I must have missed Thorin being a stubborn cock during the movie (what they fuck would their plan have been if nobody read the runes? Thorin's a terrible leader); that would give the warg chase scene a purpose. Still a scene that goes far too long and prominently features a bunny sled, but a scene with a purpose nonetheless.

Edit: I do find it weird that Kaelik lashes out about shit he doesn't even know. I used to assume he was confident and generally right, but now it seems he insults more often when he's not actually sure about things. It's almost as if the rudeness is to assure himself that he is correct.

So, to be clear, you were completely wrong about the Hobbit, and I was completely right.

And for Moria, you claimed they were totally going to turn around, and literally one guy said no, and they hadn't changed their mind, and then they were immediately attacked, I on the other hand, claimed that the watcher attacks pretty much as the door opens, which, hey, was completely correct.

So... I was right twice, and you were wrong twice, and this is evidence of how I don't know anything. Sure.

Pseudo Stupidity wrote:Edit: I do find it weird that Kaelik lashes out about shit he doesn't even know. I used to assume he was confident and generally right, but now it seems he insults more often when he's not actually sure about things. It's almost as if the rudeness is to assure himself that he is correct.

If you haven't figured it out, when he gets bored he gets to trolling. Flipping out and calling people idiots or liars is how he passes the time.

No, Kaelik does this thing where he finds people who are wrong (regardless of where or who they are) and then writes a decently smart argument but fills it with hate.

It's not really trolling unless he's doing something to provoke other people--he seems to be the person that's usually provoked.

What's more entertaining is Pseudo's attempts to blow off any successful counterargument, admitting he's wrong in a way that tries to minimize any blow that it inflicts to his ego. It's better than people who refuse to admit they're wrong, but it's still funny.

So we just finished reading The Hobbit with my daughter. Yes, it might be less actiony than the movie (still haven't seen it, going off of this thread and the trailer) but there's still *enough* action that I wouldn't see the expansion of this into more movie-necessitated* action far off.

*Necessitated because this is pretty much how movie culture is. We're used to more action so they give us more action.

Kaelik wrote: And for Moria, you claimed they were totally going to turn around, and literally one guy said no, and they hadn't changed their mind, and then they were immediately attacked, I on the other hand, claimed that the watcher attacks pretty much as the door opens, which, hey, was completely correct.

So... I was right twice, and you were wrong twice, and this is evidence of how I don't know anything. Sure.

If by "they hadn't changed their mind" you mean "they were all backing out after a character announced that they should leave" then yeah, you're completely right. Their actions are pretty obviously "we're at least leaving for a second to talk about this, because this is now super dangerous." You're fucking stupid if you can't concede that point.

Cynic, I don't understand why movies need more action. I've both read and seen Jarhead, they didn't add any action to the movie (not that they didn't advertise it as an action movie). Did it do that badly at the box office?

Aside from that, if they had just cut the movie down to a reasonable length for the story the action in the book would have been sufficient for movie audiences. You don't even need to remove the extra background, you just need to cut down on Bilbo's house a bit, then remove all the fucking camping scenes where nothing happens, and hopefully get rid of the thunder battle. So much of the movie felt like it was just filling screen time because it needed to be long; it's almost like no scenes were cut.

What do you think the extended edition will include that the theater version didn't?

But Jarhead already had action that translates well to a screen. The last two-three chapters of "The Hobbit" cannot be condensed into a few minutes.

I mean you have Smaug, Bard, the siege of the mountain, the pause in the between where Bilbo goes back and forth to try to get this all pacified, how Thorin feels betrayed, kicking Bilbo from the mountain, the start of the siege, Dain of Nain appearing, the talking between Dain and bard, the approach of the Goblins, the fight with the Goblins, Thorin coming into the fray, almost being defeated, being saved by the eagles, Beorn fighting, winning, Thorin dying, his burial, the return home through rivendell, last homely home, Beorn's place, the auction at hobbiton, etc..

That's a movie in itself if you want to be faithful. You can't show that in 15 minutes. So, I can totally see the movie being extended.

Pseudo Stupidity wrote:Aside from that, if they had just cut the movie down to a reasonable length for the story the action in the book would have been sufficient for movie audiences. You don't even need to remove the extra background, you just need to cut down on Bilbo's house a bit, then remove all the fucking camping scenes where nothing happens, and hopefully get rid of the thunder battle.

Actually Pseudo, established movie convention involves not montaging over an entire continent.

By the book, you would show Bilbo's home, then the trolls, then Rivendell, then the Mountains, then burning trees, then Mirkwood, then the Mountain.

Conventional movie storytelling would then wonder why you had mini montages after every single scene, and would criticize you for it. Which is precisely why in adaptations of books that narrate over a large amount of time or distance you should instead add scenes in the narrate areas to give a sense of the area being travelled over.

Oh hey, that was what they fucking did.

Pseudo Stupidity wrote: What do you think the extended edition will include that the theater version didn't?

The rest of the riddles in the dark.
More banter on the trail/Bilbo practicing with his new sword.
Gandalf and Galadriel having a flashback sex scene where he is younger and she is equally herself.
The creation of Radagast's poopstain.
Oodles of 5-15 second additions to various scenes that you'll never notice.

If they don't include all 27 goddamn verses of "Over the Misty Mountains Cold" in the extended cut, I will slice off Peter Jackson's dick and throw it into Mount Doom. What a pile of fucking horseshit.

erik wrote:

Pseudo Stupidity wrote: What do you think the extended edition will include that the theater version didn't?

The rest of the riddles in the dark.
More banter on the trail/Bilbo practicing with his new sword.
Gandalf and Galadriel having a flashback sex scene where he is younger and she is equally herself.
The creation of Radagast's poopstain.
Oodles of 5-15 second additions to various scenes that you'll never notice.

Oh, good. I've been up nights...

Game On,
fbmf

Dr_Noface wrote:If they don't include all 27 goddamn verses of "Over the Misty Mountains Cold" in the extended cut, I will slice off Peter Jackson's dick and throw it into Mount Doom.

Horseshit. One does not simply slip the one Wang into Mordor.

If you wielded the one Wang you would soon be unable to release it as it suborned your will with promises of power. It would come upon you and fill you with dark seeds of malice. Those squamous seeds would grow to stain your soul and pants with indelible marks of depravity. Unable to sleep in the company of others you would hide. You would go down on the depths of some cave or ancestor's underdwelling to keep your one Wang hidden to yourself. Stroking it often, your precioussss, your only companion and worst foe.

Until a midget stumbled upon your lair and the thing fell right into his mouth. Fucking Wang.

Dr_Noface wrote:If they don't include all 27 goddamn verses of "Over the Misty Mountains Cold" in the extended cut, I will slice off Peter Jackson's dick and throw it into Mount Doom. What a pile of fucking horseshit.

While I would have enjoyed more song, the point of the song is to communicate the glory of Erebor and how dreadful it was when Smaug took it. Which is pretty well communicated by actually seeing those things.

I wouldn't say no to some kickass shots of all that that matched the song.

Elf on Maiar action. Fuck yeah. I have no problem seeing either Cate Blanchett or Ian Mckellen naked and getting it on.

Cynic wrote:Elf on Maiar action. Fuck yeah. I have no problem seeing either Cate Blanchett or Ian Mckellen naked and getting it on.

Not exactly The Hobbit, but...

More seriously, I hope its on the soundtrack.

Dr_Noface wrote:More seriously, I hope its on the soundtrack.

Galadriel-Gandalf getting it on?

Cynic wrote:Elf on Maiar action. Fuck yeah. I have no problem seeing either Cate Blanchett or Ian Mckellen naked and getting it on.

eww, Cate Blanchett...

Cynic wrote:

Dr_Noface wrote:More seriously, I hope its on the soundtrack.

Galadriel-Gandalf getting it on?

Don't be scandalous -- Galadriel is a married elf.

Aren't elves typically portrayed as depraved bisexuals though? Or does that exist only in my imagination...